The Ultimate Epic Failure

We are finally there folks, it's time to present Trophies2go's
most remembered ex employee. Ahem, drum roll please. And the winner is, Butch Chastity!

Now suprisingly, good ol' Motor Mouth didn't actually get fired. Truth be told, he was a good worker. The only problem was, he annoyed the living snaught out of all the staff memebers. Although, somehow after he quit due to his search to become an electrician apprentice, I slowly began to see myself missing him and the sheer entertainment he had supplied me with during that memorable summer last year.

Yep, those were the good ol' days. The days when I woke up bright and early at 4 am every morning smiling as i couldn't hardly wait to arrive at work to pull one of my infamous pranks on the gullible annoyance. In fact, there is still talk today of some of the pranks I had managed to pull over on our good buddy Butch. One of my personal favorites being the time I used the power drill to create the smallest and hardly noticable hole in the front of his daily energy drink he consumed on a daily basis along with his O.F.D. (Old Fashioned Doughnut for the slow-minded)

Anyway, as the oblivious chatterbox went for a sip, everyone bursts into laughter as his liquid energy spews all over his shirt for the better part of three seconds. Utterly and completely unaware of what had just taken place, he then continues for another extended swig as the streaming flow results in the absolute drenching of his shirt. By this time all are hysterical as he goes on to drink when he finally notices what had just happened and remarks, "Whoops! There must be a hole in my lip haha. I just drooled all over my shirt!"

You could nearly pin point the exact second where it finally occured to him what just happened by his facial expression as if his brain activity had been projected for all to monitor its progress. His abssent-minded smile suddenly evolved into a look of terror and shock when he began to throw curses at me as if he had been a veteraned sailor. Now normally being yelled at in such a way would bring me to tears. However, everyone within a thrity foot radius (myself included) was already in tears due to the unbearable pain growing in our stomachs caused by an intense amount of laughter. And in no way was a I anywhere near stopping.

By this time, Butch had already gone to tattle tail to the manager like the six year old baby boy he was which resulted in, well nothing. Simply due to the fact that I had only done what every other single person in the establishment had been longing to do for weeks. I was mearly the brave soul who had opted to follow through on the act.

The feeling of sheer accomplishment suddenly became a necessary high for me. I needed more. This is when I started to plot my next attack. This is when I evidently obtained the nickname as "The Shop Terrorist"

My next prank took a little more strategic planning and resulted in pure genious. I had sent out a fellow employee to pick me up a box of fresh cheez-its on his daily QFC run. It was when he returned when I had ever so carefully switched out Motor Mouth's previously purchased box with the new one. The only difference between the two was nothing more than the bottom of the second had been removed to make possible for one "cheesy" avalanche when grabbed from the overhead shelf. Absolute classic! However, once again Motor Mouth didn't seem to agree.

Despite all his efforts, for some reason far beyond my own understanding, this guy just couldn't seem to get me back. It seemed as though the only prank he could ever come up with involved double-sided tape, a water bottle and my cell phone which inevitably became completely predictable. I almost felt sorry for the poor shop worker whom i couldn't help but to pick on. But then again, he was incredibly annoying and riding everyone's last nerve down to its breaking point.

You see, he wasn't your typical guy. Although, somehow he seemed to be completely oblivious to his not so normal set backs. We called him Butch Chastity for a good solid three months making fun of his luck with the ladies without him even catching on. Not only does this guy have zero luck when it comes to scoring with the babes, but this guy doesn't shut up about his love life. The farthest he has ever gone with a girl would be his sister. (Which he is disgustingly obsessed with)

*Pictured Below: Butch and his beloved sisters on Halloween*

I needn't go further. With that being said, he was asking for a hard time. And a few casual pranks here and there never hurt anyone. Especially this guy. I don't think he would know an insult if it hit him square in the schause. His self defense mechanism is simply to laugh as loud as you can when you have no idea what is going on. Which is again, not suprisingly unaffective.

Nobody can stand this guy, only they can't help but love him at the same time. You know what I'm talking about? If not, try and imagine working with that one guy who always unknowingly manages to provide you with a life time supply of "that's what she said" jokes. Yeah, that's him. No idea what's going on at any time of the day whatsoever.

However, I don't mean to sell this guy short, (TWSS) because you definately don't wanna get on his bad side. Which I, self admitingly did. I would say that an estimated 500 attepts to throw a beansack at me took place daily. Fortunately enough for me, he couldn't hit the broad side of a barn six feet away, but only due to the fact that he "threw his shoulder out playing baseball" Although it's kinda funny how that same injured shoulder managed to switch sides every now and then.

Looking back now you might say I should have gone a tad easier on the kid. Let me respond with a question for you to think about. If you had to work side by side with a guy that constantly ran his mouth and reffered to you and everyone else in the shop with a stupid abbreviated nickname such as "J-Bud", "Ry-Dawg", and "D", don't you think you might have snapped too? Yeah, that's what I thought....